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Sunday, 08 November 2009

  • Marc... WHAT?!

    Much to my surprise, I've had the pleasure to encounter a guy who I thought would never speak to me again. I was fifteen years old and I was in love with a boy. I was so deeply in love with him because he was my best friend and I've known him for years. He moved to my neighborhood when I was only 8 years old and we just became good friends. This boy's name was Marc and he was my next door neighbor. You know how those stories go... "Boys and girls who are neighbors end up liking each other... etc."

    I used to think this was the boy I was going to marry some day. We were such good friends and I knew I could confide in him for everything that goes on. I found him to be intelligent and unbelievably kind, even though he was a year younger than I was. I also loved him unconditionally with what seemed to be "love," when you're only fifteen years old (see Taylor Swift - "Fifteen"). I guess, however, things changed and he fell out of love with me. I was too emotional and somehow, we just fought a lot... and I believe to this day that it was I who started quite a few of them, considering he was the more passive one. We broke up on bad terms and he soon started dating his friend in his class, who was also a friend of mine. I was bitter. We didn't really speak much after that... it was a "hello" and "good bye." I would avoid him as much as possible at family parties because I didn't want to feel hurt or awkward. This is what usually happens when you lose someone you love dearly. When I lost him as my boyfriend, I lost him as my best friend too. I guess this is why the world became so negatively charged around me.

    He never really spoke to me anymore. We didn't play video games together like we used to and I never went to his house because he never invited me. He stopped going online and stopped writing on xanga. I felt like he was isolating me from his life. I wanted Marc to feel pain... the pain I felt. Obviously, this was wrong, but when you turn sixteen years old and the most important person in your life walks out on you, then you become cold. However, I couldn't really break that bond he had with his new girlfriend. I wanted to, but I couldn't. It wasn't right of me. When I went to college, I didn't think I would see him anymore. There was a tinge of pain in my heart, but I threw it out the window because I had moved on to be with Rich. I never thought I would ever see the day where Marc and I could be in the same house, let alone the same room, and even sit near each other again. I thought he'd always hold a grudge against me just as his sister does... maybe his family too. I was terribly wrong.

    When I went to Jaymie's sweet 16 yesterday, I found out Marc was sitting at my table. I didn't really know what to do and he was standing there talking to some people. I sucked my breath in, greeted the people around him with a hug and a kiss on the cheek, and then turned to him and greeted him the same way. It was strange because things did not feel awkward between the both of us. It felt like he was a friend I haven't spoken to in a long time. He chatted with me and told me, "It's so strange because you're my neighbor and I feel like I haven't seen you guys in three years! The first time I saw Louie (my brother) was today while I was driving... and I haven't seen him in a year either!" I felt like his friend. It was nice. The rest of the night, Marc, my friends, and I all danced together and laughed. We reminisced about our younger years and my favorite memory of playing Marco Polo at my house. We talked about college and all the other things we plan on doing in our lives. It was so different than what I had expected.

    God is taking such good care of me. Slowly but surely, he allows me to heal from all the pain in my heart. I guess the events that happened yesterday was a way of showing me that time really does heal. I'm glad Marc and I can be okay again and I'm very pleased to know God loves me dearly. In a way, I'll always care about Marc and have that special place in my heart for him, because after all... he was someone I loved dearly, but I am truly happy to see he is doing well and that he's happy. I feel peaceful.

Thursday, 05 November 2009

  • I Am...

    ...an artist.
    Makeup is my paint and a face is my canvas. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and what I believe is that you should apply makeup to look like you're not wearing any at all.
    Being flawless makes you beautiful, but remember... being beautiful comes from within.
    I want to change you so you'll see what I see from the inside out.
    It's a talent. It's raw. It's ever-changing.
    My art is my life. I live in it and love it.

    Makeup...
    My Art. My Love. My passion.
    Color my world. I dare you.

Monday, 02 November 2009

  • Dazed

    I'm in this state of blah.
    Everything feels blurry and I don't feel normal.
    I guess I'm just exhausted from life. It's draining me.
    I actually have no idea why I feel this way...

    ...maybe I need to sleep more. Just maybe. O_o

Monday, 26 October 2009

  • God's Love

    ...is truly amazing.
    I don't think I have ever felt something so whole ad-mist my emptiness and sorrows. I've been in this state of loneliness as of lately because I want to feel something I've forgotten how to feel. I cried myself to sleep last night thinking about how much I truly wanted to be in that "state of euphoria" again, where I felt loved and I was in love. I just miss having the feeling that someone would always be there to comfort you when you need them... I missed feeling happy and whole inside. I think about it all the time and I wonder if my heart shut out every single person trying to come in...

    Today was different, though. I went on about my day the same way I always go about upon doing things... wake up, brush my teeth, dress up, eat breakfast, go to school, work, then the gym. However, there was a special mission mass going on at church today and there will be two more tomorrow. I was curious about it so I decided to go. I met a priest who told us a story. It went as follows:

    "There was a boy about the age of 9 and he was a child of 22 children... #17 down the line. One evening, this boy caught meningitis and was sent to the hospital. He slipped into a coma and the doctors told his family to stop giving treatment because they told his parents the boy was going to die in a few days. They told his parents that even if this boy lived, he would become a vegetable and not be able to walk or see. After three months, the boy woke up from the coma just in time for Christmas. The doctors were wondering how the parents could be so happy because he could not move or see... one even asked:
    "How could you be happy this boy is alive? His life will be completely worthless! He won't be anything but a vegetable! He will never be able to live a normal life like everyone else!"

    The parents disregarded this and rejoiced their child was home. They knew the doctors would not be able to help this boy walk again. During that time he was home, his 21 siblings would line up down the hallway passing him down one by one until he could learn to move his legs and walk again. With their determination, they taught him how to walk. He still could not see, however. He never saw airplanes flying overhead and whatever was in front of him. The boy was sent to many specialists around the area and not one of these doctors could help him. They all said that nothing could be done. One day, the doctor was in their home treating his sister when he screamed from outside on the porch. He said:
    "MOMMY! Look! It's an airplane!!!"

    His parents ran outside, looking at him in disbelief. His mother doubted him... until he pointed to the exact location to where the airplane was. The doctor became annoyed and took a deck of cards one of the other siblings were playing with and showed each and every card to this boy. He told the doctor every single card that appeared, going through the whole deck... and not one mistake was made.

    This boy's vision was brought back... not to the full extent, but he could see through what was known as "tunnel vision," where he could only see through a pin-point hole. The doctors called it a miracle. He was blessed to have his sight back, even for only a little bit. After many teachers fought for him, he was allowed to go to a public school and learn with "normal" students. He ended up graduating with straight A's, going to college, graduating with high honors, and becoming a teacher. No one wanted to hire him because he was blind... until one boarding school gave him a chance.

    He taught those children English for three years without ever telling them he could not see more than one student at a time. He spent most of his time at the library and became fascinated by library work... consuming his time there and eventually going back to school to get his masters in becoming a librarian. During his time studying in the library, he found out about books that were on audio... and this upset him because no one ever told him he never needed to read books letter by letter. From then on, he didn't go back to the boarding school to open up the library. Instead, he became a missionary."

    This story was the story of the priest who spoke to us. He was legally blind and could not see anything other than slight blurs. I was so touched by his testimony because it really shows the world how God works to help us... in both big and small ways. Father Pat was saved through his faith, just as the blind man was healed of his infirmities because of his faith in God. Life's lessons of others really help me learn about faith and how God helps us all. Hope you learned a little something too. :)

Monday, 19 October 2009

  • Fall Retreat

    A few weeks ago, I went on a retreat and when I got back, I didn't get a chance to update on what happened. That weekend, I really took the time out to pray for all the things I've been praying for. I just needed this time to be alone, away from the "norm" and my hectic lifestyle. It took a lot of prayer for me to be able to get my mother to come around. She did not want me going on this retreat because it was a Christian retreat, and not a Catholic one... but I told her I really wanted to do this. I had to convince my parents (it's sad I had to do that but they are not open-minded when it comes to religion) and explain what I'd be doing. My parents finally came around and I was on my way. The place we went to (Warwick, NY) was absolutely beautiful. I love the countryside and I'm glad I didn't have to breathe in pollutants. I had to get my other members to come, but they were all having financial issues, so I decided to sponsor one of my friends for pre-registration so she would be able to go, while Rich sponsored her cousin. We were worried about what we should do about the rest of the money we had to pay, but when we got to the retreat, my Campus Crusade coach's husband, Brandon told us to not worry about it. God really works to help us if He knows good things will happen.

    We met a man named Mark Charles and he was a Navajo Native American Pastor. He taught us about life and many things... among them were issues about being a Navajo Indian, losing your identity as a person and as a Christian, and even being obedient towards God. He gave us an entirely new outlook on the story of the Prodigal Son and how he used that to create a sermon. He gave us personal testimonies about his life and how his brother was killed in a car accident. Mark told us how he worked in Intervarsity Christian Fellowship and I was very interested because I am an alumnus of that group. He even gave us a rap he wrote out in college for an answering machine! I won't go into it right now because I'm actually in class (haha), but he basically gave us some life lessons about how God can and will help us if we call upon Him. It was a wonderful experience to get a chance to listen to him.

    I think what hit me the most was the fact that I did argue with Rich during the retreat and shortly after, we ended up having praise. During that praise, everyone was singing and praising God and I was tearing slightly because I was very upset... until at one point, I just started crying uncontrollably. I have no idea why I was crying... but I just had to let it all out because all the emotions inside of me harbored deep inside my heart just needed to be released. I just cried so hard because I wanted all the pain to go away... someone I didn't know just came up to me and hugged me, telling me, "God loves you." She prayed for me while she hugged me. I felt like the Holy Spirit was filled inside of me, telling me I needed to release all the pain in my heart. I prayed so much and after that experience, everything I was worried about went away. The feeling inside of me was refreshing and I just felt a lot better.

    Now that I'm back from the retreat, I'm back to my normal hectic lifestyle of working hard, studying, working out, and coming home late. It really drives me crazy, but I don't forget my experiences from Fall Retreat because I know God will always be there to pull me back up when I fall down. I thank Him and I thank all those who also pray for me each and every day. Know I am praying for you too. Thank you so much. :)

LitlKittyKat

  • Visit LitlKittyKat's Xanga Site
    • Name: ~*Chi-Chan*~
    • Birthday: 5/27/1987
    • Gender: Female
    • Member Since: 1/8/2003

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